I stepped into my marriage under the presumption that love will last forever, but I was wrong. Committing your life to another person, until death do you part, is not always the happily ever after that you might see in fairy-tales and romance stories. After being married just shy of two years, I am coming to terms with the fact that I don't love my wife...
At least, not in the way that I'm expected to. If I were to follow today's rubric for marriage then I would need to rule my house, be the absolute head, the provider, the fixer -- yadda, yadda, yadda. That's probably fine for most people but I view marriage as a partnership. I don't agree with how society paints the picture that shows men and women doing specific sets of jobs in their marriages because they are expected to do them or how it defines the way married couples are supposed to act.
See, men are supposed to take their wives out, buy them gifts, and spoil them to make sure that they feel loved and viewed as important. According to what we see 90 percent of the time, flowers fix problems and every kiss begins with Kay, but I call BS. Why is it that people put so much emphasis on material gifts? In my heart, what I can buy for my wife is nowhere near as important or as impressive as what I can do for her.
I'm not saying that you should never buy anything for your significant other, because you would be foolish to even believe that. I just don't think those gifts should be used as problem solvers or indicators of how much you love someone. I do things for my wife like cook, clean, give massages, wake up early to make her sandwiches before work, talk, encourage, support her dreams, make her laugh, and the list goes on.
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. - Ephesians 5:28
One of the most important things I can do is to love my wife as I love myself, or even more. Marriage isn't about me and most of my contribution goes towards making her life better. I support her dreams as if they were my own. When she is sick or not feeling well, I may as well be too. If she is down about a disappointment then I am right by her side trying to encourage her. I don't spend my time selfishly thinking of what she does for me or what I wish she would do. I benefit from focusing on loving her because she in turn does the same to me -- it's a win-win situation. I make love sound like a chore or a job or something, because in reality it is!
Marriage isn't easy, and anyone who has been married will tell you that. Remember how I said that I thought love would last forever? I was wrong about that. Love does not last forever. True love, however, will last for a lifetime but you have to be willing to work for it. We eventually grow out of the stage of "puppy love" and if it doesn't mature into "true love" you will find yourself in an unhappy place. Looks aren't everything (even though my wife is gorgeous), but one day we will be old and wrinkly and maybe not as attractive as we are now. Luckily for me, not only is my wife pretty, she is also hilariously funny, my best friend, ambitious, intelligent, supportive of me, giving, and the list goes ooon and ooon. She's great, seriously.
I don't just love her though. I am hopelessly head over heels in love with her, because I choose to be and because I work towards nurturing that love. In the two years we've been married she has helped me to grow into a better man than I was at the beginning and she has encouraged me to pursue things that I otherwise would not have (like starting my blog).
I thank God for thinking enough of me to bless me with such a wonderful woman and I cherish His gift and this opportunity to continue learning how to really love.
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懷著愛能天長地久的期待踏進婚姻的殿堂。可是，我錯了。把自己的一生交付給另一人直到死去，并不都像童話故事和愛情故事那樣幸福。結婚不到兩年，我認清了一個事實：我不愛我的妻子。
至少，不是我想象中那樣。按照今天婚姻習俗，我需要掌管家里的一切，充當負責人，養家者，修理工等等等等。對很多人來說，這可能是好的；但是我認為婚姻是一種合作關系。社會要求男女在婚姻里充當不同的角色，分工不同；但是我不贊同這種說法。
看吧，大家認為，男人應該帶妻子出去（吃飯或看電影等）；應該給她們買禮物；應該一味地寵溺；使她們感受到愛和重視。根據我們的了解，90%的情況下，鮮花可以解決問題；每一次親吻前都夸妻子是世界上最迷人的。但在我看來，這都是胡說八道。為什么大家要過分強調禮物呢？在我心里，我能給我妻子買的遠遠比不上我能給她做的。
我并不是說你永遠都不給你的另一半買東西，如果你這樣想就錯了。我只是覺得禮物不應該用作解決問題的工具或者衡量愛的尺子。我為我的妻子做飯，幫她打掃，給她按摩，早起給她做三明治，與她交心，鼓勵她，支持她去追求自己的夢想，逗她開心等等等等。
丈夫也當像愛自己的身體一樣愛妻子。愛妻子便是愛自己。
我能做的最重要事情之一就是像愛自己一樣愛我的妻子，或更勝于愛自己。婚姻里不只有我自己，我所做的一切都是為了讓我的妻子過得更好。我會把她的夢想當成是我自己的，全力支持她。如果她生病或者不舒服，我也會；如果她傷心失望，我會陪伴在她身邊鼓勵她。我不會浪費時間考慮她為我做了什么或者我希望她為我做什么。全心全意愛她的同時，她也會全心全意愛我——這是雙贏的。這樣，愛就像是家庭雜務或者工作等，但是事實上它就是。
所有已婚人士都會告訴你：經營婚姻并不容易。還記得我曾說過我以為愛能天長地久嗎？但是，我錯了。愛不是天長地久的。然而，真愛的確能延綿一生，但前提是你必須愿意為之付出。最后，我們會超越“淺薄的愛”，但如果這不能發展為“真愛”，你將會不幸。外貌并不能代表一切（盡管我的妻子性感迷人），總有一天我們都會老去，滿臉皺紋，不如現在有魅力。幸運的是，我的妻子不僅漂亮，還很有趣，聰明有抱負，是我的好朋友，會支持我，懂得付出等等，優點多得數不完。她真的很好，真的！
但是我不只是愛她，而是無可救藥地深愛著她，因為這是我的選擇，更因為我用心經營我們的愛情。在結婚的兩年中，她幫助我變得更好，她鼓勵我去追求，去追求沒有她的鼓勵將不會有的一切。
我感謝上帝，感謝她給予我一個如此美好的女人，我會十分珍惜，也將不斷學習如何更愛她。 |
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